If I kept a journal for real, I would notice that I feel like this every graduation season. This is the time that I most deeply reflect on my students. I always think about them - who they are, who they were when they were the age of my kids, and who they will become - but this time of year it hits me especially hard.
Today when I mentioned a student I was worried about making it to graduation, I saw the pain my co-workers face. I couldn't look at her or I was going to lose it too. Later in the day when the new mom told me she had to go home because no one was there to watch her daughter, I told her to go. This was just after a heart breaking conversation about why she couldn't walk in commencement because of her poor attendance, most due to the fact that she is trying to balance school and motherhood with very few resources. I started the day with a text from a student asking if I could pick her up for her classes. I told her of course, but I wanted her to know that she wouldn't be recommended for credit regardless of her grade because of her attendance. This young lady has been living on her own for the last two years. She stays at a friend's house because that is the most stable place for her to be. She has known for almost the whole year that she won't be graduating and the 3rd marking period of this year she earned the best grades she has ever received. Now I hope she will finish the school year because when we talked about why she would miss out on some credits she had worked so hard for we couldn't look at each other with the tears flowing. And then there was the conversation with a student about his obligations from the high school. He has fought so hard for himself. He is so close to finishing high school, something people told him he would never do, and I have to tell him that he owes $220 before he can walk in commencement and celebrate his hard work. Last week I met with a mom to tell her that we were dropping her daughter instead of getting ready to graduate her because her attendance has been so poor. I have another student who is so ADHD he cannot help himself and if he doesn't pass classes this quarter, he will be out of the program. A story for every kid...
And then tonight I get to tuck my little ones into bed and two hours later they are all soundly, peacefully asleep. When I check on them all my dreams and hopes for them come flooding in. All my fears for their future along with all the all joys I know they will experience slam into the echoes of my kids from school. When they were little, I know their parents tucked them in and had the same hopes I have. When I pick up the little boy who falls asleep on the floor and tuck him in his bed my heart breaks for the young man who had to help his mom move out of their house and live out of a hotel for a week not knowing where they were going to end up. That young man is now working to help support his mom and is putting his chance to graduation on hold. He knows what he is doing and how can I fault him when he says "but Mr. Ellis that's my mom..."
How do I answer the question from my coworker "What else can we do for her?" when we both want this girl to be able to celebrate her accomplishment of earning a diploma but she hasn't met the attendance requirement to participate in commencement. We tell ourselves that we did our part by bending the rules to keep her enrolled even though her attendance was a joke because we knew she could get the classwork done. (We even used her as a pry-bar to get other students to turn in assignments late so that they too could pass the classes.) We tell ourselves that we have to draw the line somewhere and she happens to get caught on the wrong side. We tell ourselves that the diploma is the thing to be proud of. We tell ourselves this because we know that truth is that it is going to take a miracle for our student's little girl to have anything better than what her mom already has. We tell ourselves we did the best we could because we did, but it didn't stop a young man from leaving school a month before graduation to go to work to support his mom.
We have to lie to ourselves because the truth is, although we did everything we could, it just wasn't enough. The funny thing is it is the lie that keeps me going. It is the lies that I tell myself that make me go back day after day, week after week, and month after month to the same place to play the same games with the same long odds because when what we have done is enough, the pay off is huge and it makes you believe that you really are making a difference. Maybe I am, maybe I am not, but I have to keep playing because I never know when the next pay off is coming.
09 May 2016
05 March 2012
Tired but not Sleepy
I just got done checking on my little girls. I love looking in on them at night. Sometimes I do it as a reminder of how sweet they are. This is especially needed when Camy throws a fit from the time she sees food being prepared until it is served to her. Tonight wasn't one of those nights. The girls were awesome this weekend. I can't believe how grown-up Jaely has become. She does so many things all by herselp. The battles we fought this fall are over. While this is wonderful, the pessimist in me is waiting for the next round to begin. Camryn is overflowing with personality. She knows and understands so much of what is going on around her. She has almost perfected the "hit when no one is looking" move. She continues to challenge all of our rules, but her smile when she gets caught and her attempts to cover it up with sweetness is too funny.
It has been so hard to be back working full time. I am being drained by my internship. While I am so thankful to be paid to do this work, I am putting a ton of pressure on myself. I want to look like I have it all together and can do all this work when I have only a small clue to as what I am doing. I know I am doing the best that I can and I am trying to be okay with that. I hear good things back from adults and students, but I have a hard time believing what they are saying. I am afraid at what is going to happen when the person I have been filling in for returns.
I have a hard time looking at the students I see without seeing them as someone's children and in some cases I know they are someone's parent. I know that my parents are outstanding and that they have always loved me. Even with that, being a teenager was HARD! I hope that my girls never doubt how loved they are. I pray that God continues to watch over them and guide them. Life is too short, too hard, and too wonderful to try to do it by yourself.
19 May 2011
Moral Imperative
Wow, two posts in one month. I better be careful or this could become a habit.
Today I organized and ran a meeting of administrators and teachers focused on our school attendance policy. Several interesting things happened in this meeting.
For the first time in a long time I witnessed an honest discussion about how to handle some of the most frustrating issues. This isn't to say that there was not some eye-rolling and self righteous smirks, but for the most part there was a judgement free exchange of suggestions. I hope that the school becomes filled with these types of conversations. Teachers are so afraid to admit that they don't have complete control of the classroom and that they don't know how to handle some issues that we isolate ourselves. I feel deficient and instead of having a place to go to get help, I cut myself off so that others won't learn about my deficiency. No one has this entire teaching thing all figured out. We all struggle with engaging students in learning and managing the classroom/school environment. Let's stop pretending everything is good and that you are inferior if your students act out and you don't know how to deal with it. This job is too tough to make more problems for ourselves.
The other interesting event was an exchange of ideas that went an unexpected place. As we discussed the attendance policy, it sounded like we should punish kids so harshly that they do not want to be tardy. In doing this we are teaching them to be responsible by being on time to class. Maybe it is my subversive nature, but I can see students welcoming this policy. If you suspend me from school for being tardy and then not serving my detention, I win. I (the student) have now confirmed that you don't really want me at school because I am no good. I (the student) can now blame the school for making to so hard to get an education, "look you put me out for being late to class. How am I going to learn now?"
The idea of responsibility, respect, and values kept coming up. Statements were made like:
"Students don't value being in class on time"
"Students that are late have rationale reasons for being late. The reasons aren't rational to the teachers, but they make sense to the students and parents" (I'm not trying to be late, but I just got here. I have to go find X to get my folder and then I have to find Y to get my phone charger. Then I am going to go to class, I promise. )
It got to the point where it was said "that is the way their (meaning children of poverty) culture is" and we can't change that.
How disappointing. I am sure that this teacher did not fully mean what was said, but it is an easy trap to fall into. We need to create a school culture that prepares kids. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the culture of the low-income, urban area around the school. It is a rich culture that I love. I loved it when a student taught me a "ghetto" word of the day to complete my "academic" word of the day. But I have to believe that most of the parents want something more for their kids than they have. If the parents don't want that, then our job as the school is still to prepare them to be as successful as they want to be. That means we prepare each kid as if he or she is going to college. That doesn't mean a student is a a failure if they don't go to college. It means that the school has failed the child if they want to go to college and find that they cannot.
Culture is a powerful force. The school has to create a culture within its walls that prepare kids for the next step. The school needs to be as clear about the facets of its culture as it is about the classes being taught. It is a tough job, but we (the whole society) needs it to be done and done well.
Today I organized and ran a meeting of administrators and teachers focused on our school attendance policy. Several interesting things happened in this meeting.
For the first time in a long time I witnessed an honest discussion about how to handle some of the most frustrating issues. This isn't to say that there was not some eye-rolling and self righteous smirks, but for the most part there was a judgement free exchange of suggestions. I hope that the school becomes filled with these types of conversations. Teachers are so afraid to admit that they don't have complete control of the classroom and that they don't know how to handle some issues that we isolate ourselves. I feel deficient and instead of having a place to go to get help, I cut myself off so that others won't learn about my deficiency. No one has this entire teaching thing all figured out. We all struggle with engaging students in learning and managing the classroom/school environment. Let's stop pretending everything is good and that you are inferior if your students act out and you don't know how to deal with it. This job is too tough to make more problems for ourselves.
The other interesting event was an exchange of ideas that went an unexpected place. As we discussed the attendance policy, it sounded like we should punish kids so harshly that they do not want to be tardy. In doing this we are teaching them to be responsible by being on time to class. Maybe it is my subversive nature, but I can see students welcoming this policy. If you suspend me from school for being tardy and then not serving my detention, I win. I (the student) have now confirmed that you don't really want me at school because I am no good. I (the student) can now blame the school for making to so hard to get an education, "look you put me out for being late to class. How am I going to learn now?"
The idea of responsibility, respect, and values kept coming up. Statements were made like:
"Students don't value being in class on time"
"Students that are late have rationale reasons for being late. The reasons aren't rational to the teachers, but they make sense to the students and parents" (I'm not trying to be late, but I just got here. I have to go find X to get my folder and then I have to find Y to get my phone charger. Then I am going to go to class, I promise. )
It got to the point where it was said "that is the way their (meaning children of poverty) culture is" and we can't change that.
How disappointing. I am sure that this teacher did not fully mean what was said, but it is an easy trap to fall into. We need to create a school culture that prepares kids. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the culture of the low-income, urban area around the school. It is a rich culture that I love. I loved it when a student taught me a "ghetto" word of the day to complete my "academic" word of the day. But I have to believe that most of the parents want something more for their kids than they have. If the parents don't want that, then our job as the school is still to prepare them to be as successful as they want to be. That means we prepare each kid as if he or she is going to college. That doesn't mean a student is a a failure if they don't go to college. It means that the school has failed the child if they want to go to college and find that they cannot.
Culture is a powerful force. The school has to create a culture within its walls that prepare kids for the next step. The school needs to be as clear about the facets of its culture as it is about the classes being taught. It is a tough job, but we (the whole society) needs it to be done and done well.
05 May 2011
Highlights of my days
Hearing Jaely wake up and see her running out of her room excited to start her day
Hearing Jaely ask "Wat we doin toda?" and "wats for dinne?"
Snuggling with Camryn after her late night bottle
Hearing Jaely "Papa, Papa, Papa" and jumping up and down when I pick her up
Watching Jaely smile at and "help" her little sister
Watching Camryn smile at her big sister
Everyday is a blessing. I need to remember that when I think I deserve something. I deserve many things and none of them are good. Thank God for His mercy and blessings.
Hearing Jaely ask "Wat we doin toda?" and "wats for dinne?"
Snuggling with Camryn after her late night bottle
Hearing Jaely "Papa, Papa, Papa" and jumping up and down when I pick her up
Watching Jaely smile at and "help" her little sister
Watching Camryn smile at her big sister
Waking Lindsey up on the couch to go to bed.
Watching Lindsey be a mom and a super-partner.
Everyday is a blessing. I need to remember that when I think I deserve something. I deserve many things and none of them are good. Thank God for His mercy and blessings.
06 September 2010
Risky Business
Teachers are not surgeons who can save or end a life during an operation.
Teachers are not lawyers who can present a case that sends someone to prison or sets them free.
Teachers are not Police officers who can protect those who can't protect themselves.
Teachers are not pilots who are responsible for the transportation of many people.
Instead teachers are people that parents trust to provide a safe, nurturing, learning environment. Parents trust teachers to love their kids. Parent trust teachers to provide guidance and structure to their kids. Parents trust that teachers know what they are doing. Parents trust teachers to help their children grow into the best they can be. Parents trust that teachers will do what is best for their kid.
For a teacher to do what a parent is trusting (depending on, counting on, hoping for) them to do requires the teacher to "have" those kids. Those students become the teacher's kids. It isn't just showing up in the morning and putting on a show. It isn't planning lesson and then carrying them out. It isn't using the right textbook, giving the right assignment, writing a good test question.
Teaching the way parents hope we will is building a family in the classroom. Teaching this was is building a place where each student is loved and accepted. Teaching this way is building a place where each kid can flourish. Teaching this way is exhausting.
Teaching this way can't happen when things are unstable, just like unstable families have a huge challenge in providing a good environment for their kids. Teaching this way can't happen when the family gets so big that you can't know each student. Teaching this way can't happen without rest.
As students and teachers return to school, I hope that teachers have had a restfully and recharging summer. I hope that the teachers returning are ready to meet their new families.
Teachers may not end or save a life on an operating table, but they do save lives.
Teachers may not work in court rooms, but they do set people free (or imprison them).
Teachers may not carry guns or handcuffs, but they do (should) protect those who can't protect themselves.
Teachers may not fly planes, but they are responsible for the safely transporting students through more than just the air.
Teachers are not lawyers who can present a case that sends someone to prison or sets them free.
Teachers are not Police officers who can protect those who can't protect themselves.
Teachers are not pilots who are responsible for the transportation of many people.
Instead teachers are people that parents trust to provide a safe, nurturing, learning environment. Parents trust teachers to love their kids. Parent trust teachers to provide guidance and structure to their kids. Parents trust that teachers know what they are doing. Parents trust teachers to help their children grow into the best they can be. Parents trust that teachers will do what is best for their kid.
For a teacher to do what a parent is trusting (depending on, counting on, hoping for) them to do requires the teacher to "have" those kids. Those students become the teacher's kids. It isn't just showing up in the morning and putting on a show. It isn't planning lesson and then carrying them out. It isn't using the right textbook, giving the right assignment, writing a good test question.
Teaching the way parents hope we will is building a family in the classroom. Teaching this was is building a place where each student is loved and accepted. Teaching this way is building a place where each kid can flourish. Teaching this way is exhausting.
Teaching this way can't happen when things are unstable, just like unstable families have a huge challenge in providing a good environment for their kids. Teaching this way can't happen when the family gets so big that you can't know each student. Teaching this way can't happen without rest.
As students and teachers return to school, I hope that teachers have had a restfully and recharging summer. I hope that the teachers returning are ready to meet their new families.
Teachers may not end or save a life on an operating table, but they do save lives.
Teachers may not work in court rooms, but they do set people free (or imprison them).
Teachers may not carry guns or handcuffs, but they do (should) protect those who can't protect themselves.
Teachers may not fly planes, but they are responsible for the safely transporting students through more than just the air.
04 March 2010
Leaving on a jet plane
But i know when I'll be back again.
This morning when I dropped jaely off she had no clue that i wouldn't be picking he up. She was happy to start her day with Miss Amber and left me standing in the entry way. As I walked out the door i started to miss her imediately. I feel unteathered and I'm not sure I like it.
I spent many nights away from home in the last 2 years, but I wasn't the primary homeworker then. I am going to miss the routine of pickng up Jaely, being a family, having dinner together, and putting Jaely to bed for the few days (and I'm not reallnsure why I am going to this training).
I am surprised that I feel this way. (I know everything will be fine at home, but I want to b there.) I guess I draw more o my identity from what I do then I thought I did.
This morning when I dropped jaely off she had no clue that i wouldn't be picking he up. She was happy to start her day with Miss Amber and left me standing in the entry way. As I walked out the door i started to miss her imediately. I feel unteathered and I'm not sure I like it.
I spent many nights away from home in the last 2 years, but I wasn't the primary homeworker then. I am going to miss the routine of pickng up Jaely, being a family, having dinner together, and putting Jaely to bed for the few days (and I'm not reallnsure why I am going to this training).
I am surprised that I feel this way. (I know everything will be fine at home, but I want to b there.) I guess I draw more o my identity from what I do then I thought I did.
26 February 2010
What are they thinking
This week I one of my students had her baby. I am excited for her. I have known this girl for 4 years. I got phone calls from her when she moved to Detroit and then to Pontiac. She was excited to be back this fall. She is good kid. She has a lot of potential. Her daughter is going to be blessed by having her as a mom. I like this kid.
Yes, she is a kid and now she has a kid. It is not the best situation, but it is what it is.
I have had students every year I have taught that have been pregnant, given birth during the school year, and/or already have little ones. I have students whose parents are my age. (This year I had a student call me "papa". I told him that I am not old enough to be his papa. His reply let me know I am older than his mom. It was hard for me to keep my jaw from dropping. I also had a student try to set me up with her mom.) This isn't ideal, but it is.
I have been tormented by this since I began teaching. My first year teaching 10 graders I had a student tell me that she was pregnant. She was looking for guidance and I had very little to offer. The following year I had a 9th grader that gave birth to her son just before Thanksgiving. The next year a girl almost couldn't graduate because she missed so much school taking her son to the doctors (while a football player missed more school and had everyone advocating for him). A few years ago I knew of 2 girls that didn't graduate because they were pregnant. One of them graduated from that group from the alternative program - I was so happy for her. This year I have had a pregnant student in each class - 4 classes, 4 girls - that will give birth before they graduate.
My heart breaks for these girls and their kids. I think most of them know how difficult their lives will be. Most of them were (are) raised in similar circumstances. My heart breaks even more. I know that in a few more years I will see the kids of my students. My heart will break for them. These kids are not doomed, far from it. Some of the most successful students I know come from this type background. Still, my heart breaks for them.
So back to the present situation... the student who gave birth to her beautiful daughter on Monday came into school today. She came in because next week is exam week. She wanted to know when and how she could take her exam. I told her that I was going to freeze her grade as of last Friday and that I would excuse her exam. Her response was that she wished the other teachers would do the same thing.
Why aren't the other teachers like that? Do they feel the need to punish this girl for her choices? Are they trying to make her more responsible by forcing her to take her exam?
My heart is broken for this new mom and her precious daughter. Good luck ladies, may you find the support and love you need.
Yes, she is a kid and now she has a kid. It is not the best situation, but it is what it is.
I have had students every year I have taught that have been pregnant, given birth during the school year, and/or already have little ones. I have students whose parents are my age. (This year I had a student call me "papa". I told him that I am not old enough to be his papa. His reply let me know I am older than his mom. It was hard for me to keep my jaw from dropping. I also had a student try to set me up with her mom.) This isn't ideal, but it is.
I have been tormented by this since I began teaching. My first year teaching 10 graders I had a student tell me that she was pregnant. She was looking for guidance and I had very little to offer. The following year I had a 9th grader that gave birth to her son just before Thanksgiving. The next year a girl almost couldn't graduate because she missed so much school taking her son to the doctors (while a football player missed more school and had everyone advocating for him). A few years ago I knew of 2 girls that didn't graduate because they were pregnant. One of them graduated from that group from the alternative program - I was so happy for her. This year I have had a pregnant student in each class - 4 classes, 4 girls - that will give birth before they graduate.
My heart breaks for these girls and their kids. I think most of them know how difficult their lives will be. Most of them were (are) raised in similar circumstances. My heart breaks even more. I know that in a few more years I will see the kids of my students. My heart will break for them. These kids are not doomed, far from it. Some of the most successful students I know come from this type background. Still, my heart breaks for them.
So back to the present situation... the student who gave birth to her beautiful daughter on Monday came into school today. She came in because next week is exam week. She wanted to know when and how she could take her exam. I told her that I was going to freeze her grade as of last Friday and that I would excuse her exam. Her response was that she wished the other teachers would do the same thing.
Why aren't the other teachers like that? Do they feel the need to punish this girl for her choices? Are they trying to make her more responsible by forcing her to take her exam?
My heart is broken for this new mom and her precious daughter. Good luck ladies, may you find the support and love you need.
22 May 2009
amazed
I have been reading "The scientist in the crib: What early learning tells us about the mind" since winter and I have just started listening to Radio Lab. I am amazed. Humans are so unique and so complex and every time there seems to be an answer, it leads to 13 more questions. Just the simple fact that we can ask questions and seek out answers is amazing.
I don't have the energy to be eloquent or polished about this, but WOW! Science may be the most creative expression of human nature. Not to insult all the more traditional artists, I respect you greatly for what you can do, but science rocks!
I don't have the energy to be eloquent or polished about this, but WOW! Science may be the most creative expression of human nature. Not to insult all the more traditional artists, I respect you greatly for what you can do, but science rocks!
05 January 2009
A case of the Mondays
I don't fully awaken until I arrive at school. Showering, dressing, packing a lunch, and (frighteningly) driving to school are all done automatically. As I passed the administration building I thought "Wow its is very dark, everyone must be having a hard time getting up this morning". As I pulled in my parking spot I was thankful to find salt had been spread and was again surprised at how few cars were there. (I am one of the early ones to school, but I am very rarely the first.) I walked to the door I normally go in and upon finding it locked thought "Wow, even the custodians are running late this morning". I than walked over to the main door and it too was locked. Then and only then did I even consider that school was closed. Silly me!
22 December 2008
Q-Tips
Lindsey and I love to clean our ears with Q-Tips. Lindsey introduced me to the supreme Q-tip - the wooden stick. I have even developed the need to lick the Q-Tip before using it. Sometimes I only need to use one end of the Q-Tip to clean out an ear. The dilemma is what way to put the Q-Tip back into the jar. Do you put the used side down or the used side up?
12 December 2008
what were they thinking
Today there was a meeting at school for students that are "at-risk." On characteristic of an at-risk student is poor attendance. They invited students to this assembly by delivering passes to the students in class. I had a hard time not laughing when I was asked to give an invitation to this meeting to a student I have not met. I hope they are going to try something different to reach these kids.
I have been bogged down this year with work related to my job, but not exactly my responsibility. When I interviewed for the assistant principal job I guess I sent the message that I want to work in the school, but outside of the classroom. In some ways that is correct. I want to make school a place that works for students. I get that done in my classroom (although never to my satisfaction), but I want the whole school to work. I hope its worth it. Schools don't work and everyone pays the price.
I have been bogged down this year with work related to my job, but not exactly my responsibility. When I interviewed for the assistant principal job I guess I sent the message that I want to work in the school, but outside of the classroom. In some ways that is correct. I want to make school a place that works for students. I get that done in my classroom (although never to my satisfaction), but I want the whole school to work. I hope its worth it. Schools don't work and everyone pays the price.
04 November 2008
Interesting
I am watching the fox news coverage of the election results just to see what is being said. I just Carl (Karl?) Rove say that Obama was elected because most people have forgotten that there was a civil rights movement. He stated that "we have come so far..." in the recent years that people have forgotten that there was once a need for great social change.
I don't buy this. I think the correlation between "minority" and "low-income" shows that we haven't really come that far. I hear stories from students about being told to "go back to their neighborhood" and asked if they think the blacks are taking over the city (of Muskegon). I find it frightening that someone would say there is a racial gap in this country.
The election of a minority president will bring many opportunities for interesting conversations.
I don't buy this. I think the correlation between "minority" and "low-income" shows that we haven't really come that far. I hear stories from students about being told to "go back to their neighborhood" and asked if they think the blacks are taking over the city (of Muskegon). I find it frightening that someone would say there is a racial gap in this country.
The election of a minority president will bring many opportunities for interesting conversations.
18 July 2008
What should I be doing?
Whatever I am doing, I often feel like I should be doing something else. Here are some examples:
When grading papers, I think I should be making lesson plans
When making lesson plans, I think I should be grading papers
When sleeping, I think I should be awake
When awake, I think I should be sleeping
When lecturing in class, I think we should be doing an activity
When doing an activity in class, I think I should be lecturing
When watching TV, I should be reading, sleeping, doing yard chores, blogging, checking my emails, ...
When working on Jaely's built-in, I should be spending time with Lins and Jaely
Lindsey has been asking me (not nagging as she claims) to post about the built-ins progress. I finally completed the Katamino level I was working on while she was blogging and its not quite time to feed Jaely yet, so here is an update:
Before last year, I would never describe myself as "creative." Creative people have always left me awestruck. I realized through working on the built-in project that I am creative. I have heard that science is a creative endeavor, and now I see what that means. Through working on this project and thinking about how scientific knowledge is built, I understand that to be creative is part of being human. Anyways, on to the progress...
The dresser started as a stack on cherry boards that were sorted, selected, and milled to the proper sizes. I spent a few weekends this winter working on that. After the boards were the right size and flat, the joints had to been laid out. Then came the cutting and fitting of the joints. Much of the winter was spent on this work. The result was a stack of pieces that needed to be put together to make the dresser/changing table skeleton.
I did not spend much time working on this project between the end of March and the middle of June. Although getting this done is important, something seemed to swallow up every spare moment. The next step was to get the all the pieces lined up. This drive Lindsey nuts because it goes together and comes apart about 5 times before I am ready to attach all the parts together.
Once everything was attached, I started the finishing process. This involved lots of scraping and sanding and looking and feeling and then more sanding. Next I started the finish with Danish oil
Now I have t0 wait a few days for the oil to dry before then urethane can go on. I still have to make the drawers (I started sorting the lumber for those today before our trip to GH and the Katamino distraction). The continous hinge for the toy box/window seat arrived today so now I can fix the mistake I made there. Overall, the project is getting close to done. It won't be really done until the carpet is tacked back done and the trim is replaced, so we will see...
When grading papers, I think I should be making lesson plans
When making lesson plans, I think I should be grading papers
When sleeping, I think I should be awake
When awake, I think I should be sleeping
When lecturing in class, I think we should be doing an activity
When doing an activity in class, I think I should be lecturing
When watching TV, I should be reading, sleeping, doing yard chores, blogging, checking my emails, ...
When working on Jaely's built-in, I should be spending time with Lins and Jaely
Lindsey has been asking me (not nagging as she claims) to post about the built-ins progress. I finally completed the Katamino level I was working on while she was blogging and its not quite time to feed Jaely yet, so here is an update:
Before last year, I would never describe myself as "creative." Creative people have always left me awestruck. I realized through working on the built-in project that I am creative. I have heard that science is a creative endeavor, and now I see what that means. Through working on this project and thinking about how scientific knowledge is built, I understand that to be creative is part of being human. Anyways, on to the progress...
The dresser started as a stack on cherry boards that were sorted, selected, and milled to the proper sizes. I spent a few weekends this winter working on that. After the boards were the right size and flat, the joints had to been laid out. Then came the cutting and fitting of the joints. Much of the winter was spent on this work. The result was a stack of pieces that needed to be put together to make the dresser/changing table skeleton.
I did not spend much time working on this project between the end of March and the middle of June. Although getting this done is important, something seemed to swallow up every spare moment. The next step was to get the all the pieces lined up. This drive Lindsey nuts because it goes together and comes apart about 5 times before I am ready to attach all the parts together.
Once everything was attached, I started the finishing process. This involved lots of scraping and sanding and looking and feeling and then more sanding. Next I started the finish with Danish oil
Now I have t0 wait a few days for the oil to dry before then urethane can go on. I still have to make the drawers (I started sorting the lumber for those today before our trip to GH and the Katamino distraction). The continous hinge for the toy box/window seat arrived today so now I can fix the mistake I made there. Overall, the project is getting close to done. It won't be really done until the carpet is tacked back done and the trim is replaced, so we will see...
09 July 2008
Summer Time
Today we made a great trip to the Montague Farmers market and returned with tastes of summer.
I love the way strawberries are sweet but tart. Michigan berries are always so much more flavorful than ones shipped in from far away. I especially love eating the slightly bruised and damaged berries. What is about bruises that bring the best out of things?
I have been given an interesting question to ponder: Would a propeller work in outer space? I think I have an answer, but I need to reconcile the propeller idea with the technology of solar sails.
I love the way strawberries are sweet but tart. Michigan berries are always so much more flavorful than ones shipped in from far away. I especially love eating the slightly bruised and damaged berries. What is about bruises that bring the best out of things?I have been given an interesting question to ponder: Would a propeller work in outer space? I think I have an answer, but I need to reconcile the propeller idea with the technology of solar sails.
08 July 2008
Freezer Disaster
I have been withholding this story for about a month. It was too painful to tell, but I have healed enough to share this...
The story starts with my inability to wait for a can of soda to cool off in the fridge. Instead I placed the can in the freezer and...
The worst part isn't that I never drank the Cherry Coke Zero. The worst part is that I discovered the explosion of soda in the freezer as we were leaving for my parents house for the weekend. I hastily scooped the can and some of the frozen pop out and left most of the mess to clean up when we returned. When we returned I found that the freezer door was slightly ajar. To make a long story short: not only did the soda get cleaned out of the freezer, but I had a chance to go through alot of old frozen food and I even got to throw out some newly frozen food as well. There is nothing like arriving at home after a 3 hour drive and spending the next 2 hours cleaning out a defrosted freezer.
Hopefully I have learned my lesson.
The story starts with my inability to wait for a can of soda to cool off in the fridge. Instead I placed the can in the freezer and...
The worst part isn't that I never drank the Cherry Coke Zero. The worst part is that I discovered the explosion of soda in the freezer as we were leaving for my parents house for the weekend. I hastily scooped the can and some of the frozen pop out and left most of the mess to clean up when we returned. When we returned I found that the freezer door was slightly ajar. To make a long story short: not only did the soda get cleaned out of the freezer, but I had a chance to go through alot of old frozen food and I even got to throw out some newly frozen food as well. There is nothing like arriving at home after a 3 hour drive and spending the next 2 hours cleaning out a defrosted freezer.Hopefully I have learned my lesson.
01 July 2008
Lindsey speak
Occasionally, really more often than you think, Lindsey uses the wrong word in a sentence. The funniest part is that she often doesn't realize what she has done until I give a blank stare. Here are some examples:
Oh look, that strip mall is getting a lampshade.
She sudafeds water in some recipes.
I need to empty that garbage soon anyway, its full of dynamite.
Oh look, that strip mall is getting a lampshade.
She sudafeds water in some recipes.
I need to empty that garbage soon anyway, its full of dynamite.
29 May 2008
Something to make you wonder
This is my breakfast from Thursday morning. This picture was take at 9 PM Thursday night. Yeah, that sums up my week so far.
09 May 2008
Laws
I don't get it. I understand much of the science on how and why the human body works the way it does, but I still don't get it. At one point in my life I was sure that everything could be reduced to a set of logic laws. Not laws as in rules, but scientific/mathematical laws. Thankfully that system of understanding failed me and I know in my head that life is far too complex to be governed by a set of laws no matter how complex the laws are. But at the core of my being I am always searching for laws to govern at least parts of my life.
Each change in my life has brought this search for laws to the surface in different ways: High School, Church, College(s), Leaving Home, Getting Married, Teaching, and now Parenting have each revealed the search for laws on a different plane.
I cannot (and will never be able to) comprehend how a baby grows from 2 cells into a complete human being. I know the science, but to know that all those laws work to knit a person together is unfathomable. And that's just thinking about the physical parts of a person. Where does the personality come from? How does Jaely know what she knows (and what exactly does she know)?
So back to the laws/rules idea: Even though I know that life is too complex for laws/rules, I still want them. I want the same actions on my part to have the same reactions for Jaely. I want to be able to predict that she will do Y when I do X. Instead I find that Jaely does M, N, and/or O when I do X. Oh well, I knew that the laws were never going to work anyway, but it is still a shock to find that they don't.
At the end of each day I am thankful that meaning in my life no longer comes from laws, but from the complexity of relationships.
Each change in my life has brought this search for laws to the surface in different ways: High School, Church, College(s), Leaving Home, Getting Married, Teaching, and now Parenting have each revealed the search for laws on a different plane.
I cannot (and will never be able to) comprehend how a baby grows from 2 cells into a complete human being. I know the science, but to know that all those laws work to knit a person together is unfathomable. And that's just thinking about the physical parts of a person. Where does the personality come from? How does Jaely know what she knows (and what exactly does she know)?
So back to the laws/rules idea: Even though I know that life is too complex for laws/rules, I still want them. I want the same actions on my part to have the same reactions for Jaely. I want to be able to predict that she will do Y when I do X. Instead I find that Jaely does M, N, and/or O when I do X. Oh well, I knew that the laws were never going to work anyway, but it is still a shock to find that they don't.
At the end of each day I am thankful that meaning in my life no longer comes from laws, but from the complexity of relationships.
31 March 2008
Long Time, No Posts
So its been a while since I have sat down to put thoughts up here, that doesn't mean I haven't had any. Much of my creative energy has gone into my job and creating the furniture for Jaelynne's room. I always thought that I am not a creative person, but I was confusing "creative" with "artistic". I still don't think I am a very artistic person.
I decided to post today because I am overwhelmed with feelings. I am not an emotional person, but arrival of Jaely has done something to me. I know that every adjective to describe my feelings are woefully inadequate. I know I have been blessed by God with an awesome gift, but also an awesome responsibility. I don't feel that I am worthy of the gift or capable of meeting the responsibility. This has left me even more emotionally raw.
I just witnessed a beautiful sight: Lindsey, Jaely, and Grandma (or Nana) all asleep making wonderful little sighs/snores.
God, thanks for the beautiful, sweet, delicate, and strong girls in my life.
I decided to post today because I am overwhelmed with feelings. I am not an emotional person, but arrival of Jaely has done something to me. I know that every adjective to describe my feelings are woefully inadequate. I know I have been blessed by God with an awesome gift, but also an awesome responsibility. I don't feel that I am worthy of the gift or capable of meeting the responsibility. This has left me even more emotionally raw.
I just witnessed a beautiful sight: Lindsey, Jaely, and Grandma (or Nana) all asleep making wonderful little sighs/snores.
God, thanks for the beautiful, sweet, delicate, and strong girls in my life.
20 November 2007
The rest of the story
At Daniel's Prompting, here is the rest of the story:
I got home from school hoping to be there to load Lindsey's scrapbooking materials in her car. Instead I got home in time to get her call. For some mysterious reason, she couldn't get the key to turn in the ignition. I gave her the suggestion of turning the steering wheel to "unlock" the ignition and told her that I would drive up to doctor's office if I didn't see her soon. I thought "I better leave right now" as soon as I hung up the phone, so I did. I soon arrived in the parking lot just before Lindsey starting kicking her car. Within 1 minute I had the car started and we were ready to go.
I had forgot that Lindsey is an excellent direction follower. She knew to turn the wheel, but had never been told to turn the wheel and the key at the same time. So, now we have cell phones and Lindsey has a new direction to follow.
I am reluctant to post this because I love the way Lindsey attacks the world. I love her innocence and her confidence that I can fix almost anything. I will end this post by sharing with all of you that Lindsey once received a similar phone call from her mom.
Her mom was stranded at school because she could not get the key to turn in her car. Lindsey, George(her stepdad), and I drove to Lynne's school to try to fix the problem. The drive to the school was about an hour and we spent another hour trying to get the key to turn. This was not the same problem. It ends up that Lynne's gargantuan key ring had stressed the ignition to the point that I would no longer turn. The car had to be towed and fitted with a new ignition (Not a cheap thing). From then on Lindsey and her mom were very careful about the size of their key rings.
I got home from school hoping to be there to load Lindsey's scrapbooking materials in her car. Instead I got home in time to get her call. For some mysterious reason, she couldn't get the key to turn in the ignition. I gave her the suggestion of turning the steering wheel to "unlock" the ignition and told her that I would drive up to doctor's office if I didn't see her soon. I thought "I better leave right now" as soon as I hung up the phone, so I did. I soon arrived in the parking lot just before Lindsey starting kicking her car. Within 1 minute I had the car started and we were ready to go.
I had forgot that Lindsey is an excellent direction follower. She knew to turn the wheel, but had never been told to turn the wheel and the key at the same time. So, now we have cell phones and Lindsey has a new direction to follow.
I am reluctant to post this because I love the way Lindsey attacks the world. I love her innocence and her confidence that I can fix almost anything. I will end this post by sharing with all of you that Lindsey once received a similar phone call from her mom.
Her mom was stranded at school because she could not get the key to turn in her car. Lindsey, George(her stepdad), and I drove to Lynne's school to try to fix the problem. The drive to the school was about an hour and we spent another hour trying to get the key to turn. This was not the same problem. It ends up that Lynne's gargantuan key ring had stressed the ignition to the point that I would no longer turn. The car had to be towed and fitted with a new ignition (Not a cheap thing). From then on Lindsey and her mom were very careful about the size of their key rings.
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