Had a great night tonight. I love our friends. Ang's emptiness posts have struck me this week. It has been nice to see someone else struggling with emptiness even when they have so much meaning and fullness in what they do every day. (I don't mean nice in that I wish anyone to have these type of days/weeks...)
Maybe we feel empty because we pour all of ourselves into other people and we forget to refill. we get so busy that we forget silence and peace and calm and REST. Then when we are so completely empty we can hardly move, we feel guilty that we need to be refilled.
I know I forget how to refilled. I seek fullfillment in the wrong things. Sometimes I even think that the thing that is emptying me can fill me. Its a lie, but I believe it. If only I do this or help this person or grade this stack of papers or write better lessons or listen better to my wife or had more advice to give people, then I would be refilled.
I realized tonight that I have been expecting to be magically fullfilled by God. I have been expecting God to grant my half-hearted, exhausted, last-minute demands to be filled. I haven't done anything to seek Him. I haven't been listening for Him during the day. I haven't been seeking wisdom and learning in His word. I have been running and waiting for God to give me a second wind.
I don't know if I am the only person doing this, but I doubt I am. Why is it that we know we have to work for so many things, but we expect God to be there and fill us without any effort from our side. Don't get me wrong, I know God is there all the time. He is always present and listening, but He loves me enough to let me make my own choices.
It seems right to us that our worldly choices have worldly consequences, then why shouldn't our spiritual choices have spiritual consequences?
God,
Rend my heart! Show me the path to fullfillment. remind me of your desire for my life.
