29 May 2008

Something to make you wonder

This is my breakfast from Thursday morning. This picture was take at 9 PM Thursday night. Yeah, that sums up my week so far.

09 May 2008

Laws

I don't get it. I understand much of the science on how and why the human body works the way it does, but I still don't get it. At one point in my life I was sure that everything could be reduced to a set of logic laws. Not laws as in rules, but scientific/mathematical laws. Thankfully that system of understanding failed me and I know in my head that life is far too complex to be governed by a set of laws no matter how complex the laws are. But at the core of my being I am always searching for laws to govern at least parts of my life.
Each change in my life has brought this search for laws to the surface in different ways: High School, Church, College(s), Leaving Home, Getting Married, Teaching, and now Parenting have each revealed the search for laws on a different plane.
I cannot (and will never be able to) comprehend how a baby grows from 2 cells into a complete human being. I know the science, but to know that all those laws work to knit a person together is unfathomable. And that's just thinking about the physical parts of a person. Where does the personality come from? How does Jaely know what she knows (and what exactly does she know)?
So back to the laws/rules idea: Even though I know that life is too complex for laws/rules, I still want them. I want the same actions on my part to have the same reactions for Jaely. I want to be able to predict that she will do Y when I do X. Instead I find that Jaely does M, N, and/or O when I do X. Oh well, I knew that the laws were never going to work anyway, but it is still a shock to find that they don't.
At the end of each day I am thankful that meaning in my life no longer comes from laws, but from the complexity of relationships.